Me. At least after what I've been through.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
