So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
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He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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