if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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