I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
