She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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