Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
