I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
