My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
