the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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