Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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