everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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