So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
50% drunk capacity currently
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
