someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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