so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
