he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
