I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
