We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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