we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
