god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
