yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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