Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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