Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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