you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
