I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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