I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
