he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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