Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Send help, water and tortillas.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
