I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
