How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it glows. i had to have it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
