Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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