just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
