I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
