I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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