Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
