he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
