yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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