I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
