Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
