I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
