I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
