is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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