Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she peed on how many people?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
