Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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