think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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