Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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