I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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