there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize