with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
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I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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