There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well I just put wine in my tea
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
