I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
