so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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