Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my sisters under your porch take her home
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
