can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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