it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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