I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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