I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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