I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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