Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
