Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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