Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
