From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
