I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
